This Morning's Ponderings from Lester Ann

It is 5:00 a.m. but sleep escapes me. My mind is racing and at times like this it has become my habit to go to my computer and write. Usually when this happens, what I write is for my journal and is strictly personal and private. This morning I need to share what is in my heart with family members and friends who over the past few days and weeks I have grown to love and appreciate even more.
We have experienced what most would describe as a tragedy in our family. Over the past six months we have been joyfully looking forward to welcoming our sixth grandchild into the loving circle of our family. We have assumed that welcome would include sharing her life here on earth but Heavenly Father had other plans. Little Destiny Dawn silently tiptoed into our lives and left again before we had the chance to know her. At a time like this many would rebel against such experiences, ask “Why me?” even express anger against a God who would allow something like this to happen. I must admit in the recent past, I have experienced some of these feelings but this morning I feel an overwhelming need to acknowledge my blessings.
Yes, we have experienced a tragedy but Heavenly Father has put in place circumstances and administering angels who have softened the blow.
Shortly before this happened He sent two angels in the form of Allen’s cousins who came to the rescue while Dawn was in the hospital. On Monday morning when she was admitted, these two angels sprang into action applying the skills they had obviously been taught as daughters in a home where homemaking skills and compassionate service were important. They not only took care of Jill and Peirce but they prepared food for the meals of the day even freezing several for future use. This provided a base and freed up time for the rest of us to concentrate on supporting and helping Dawn and Allen.
Several angels in the form of doctors and nurses carefully and sensitively cared for Dawn in the hospital. Allen was at her side through it all providing love and support and taking care of all the practical things that must be done but are so hard at a time like this. It must have been very difficult for him too.
Gayle, the backbone and strength in my life, took me to Calgary first thing Monday morning so we could be with Dawn, then returned to work and spent the week home alone while I did my thing. I am sure it was not a good time to be alone. I love and appreciate him for always making it possible for me to do the things I need to do. Our long private and personal hours together as we cry, plan, discuss, and carry on are precious and definitely a blessing in my life.
Gaylene has a friend who recently lost a baby late in her pregnancy. As she did what she could to comfort her friend she learned much about what an expectant mother feels and experiences when this happens. I watched and was grateful as one daughter put the compassion and more importantly the empathy she had learned into action as she stepped in and helped her sister in ways many of us never even thought about. She was and remains to be a tower of strength for Dawn, for Allen and for all the rest of us. It was gratifying and it is a huge blessing to witness our daughters develop an even greater love and appreciation for one another. What a blessing it is to realize that we have three most remarkable children.
Another Angel in the form of Kara Lee, stepped in and did her part. As a counselor in the Relief Society in Dawn and Allen’s ward, she took over the responsibility of providing the lunch after the funeral. I was overwhelmed as I stepped into the hall where she had carefully set the tables with white tablecloths and pink centerpieces topped with vases of pink roses and where the wonderful aroma of a perfectly prepared meal filled the air. I know how much work it takes to perform this miracle. I also know there were other angels who helped her. Relief Society sisters provided salads and dessert and helped with the work. One particular angel whom I know and love helped financially. We appreciate that so much. These miracles also cost money.
Michael Pierson from Pierson’s Funeral Service is a friend and was a great help to Allen and Dawn as he walked them through the process of planning a funeral. To quote Dawn: “It was wonderful to be able to share this experience with a friend.”
All my angel sisters helped. Even before we knew we would need it, Marvelle and Clifford demonstrated their love and support. I spent a week with them in Phoenix while they drove me not once but three times to a clinic three hours away for much needed dental work, prepared liquid meals for me when I couldn’t eat solid food, took care of me, and delivered me to and from the airport even during the wee small hours of the morning. Shirley took me to lunch, served as a sounding board, had a special gift for me, and was there when I needed her. Colleen opened her clean, comfortable, and welcoming home to us (that includes, me, Gayle, Gaylene, Duane, and their children and many others) while we were in Calgary. Not only did she take care of us, but also Kara’s children while she was away performing her miracles.
Dawn said: “When I was in the hospital, my heart ached. I wondered and asked Heavenly Father if I couldn’t just go to the other side of the veil for a moment to get to know Destiny more and make sure she was going to be okay all alone. It was made clear to me that she isn’t all alone. She was met by Nana Hyde and Grandma Ackroyd and all her other grandparents that have gone on before. I felt strongly that my cousin Kelly who died at age 5 would hold her hand and walk with her and tell her of her mommy and daddy’s love. I also knew my cousin, Scott who died recently would play with her and help her to have fun, because he was always the king of fun.”
What a blessing and a comfort it is to know these things.
When we got home we were met with a house full of flowers and cards, messages on our voice mail, and an inbox full of expressions of love and sympathy.
I gained a new love and appreciation for Allen’s family as I watched them rally around and give their support to Dawn and Allen. Jim Ackroyd gave one of the most comforting funeral talks I have ever heard. Among other good thoughts, he said: “The tender mercies of the Lord are at work here.” It reminded me of Elder Bednar’s talk in April Conference of 2005.
I quote: “We should not underestimate or overlook the power of the Lord’s tender mercies. The simpleness, the sweetness, and the constancy of the tender mercies of the Lord will do much to fortify and protect us in the troubled times in which we do now and will yet live. When words cannot provide the solace we need or express the joy we feel, when it is simply futile to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable, when logic and reason cannot yield adequate understanding about the injustices and inequities of life, when mortal experience and evaluation are insufficient to produce a desired outcome, and when it seems that perhaps we are so totally alone, truly we are blessed by the tender mercies of the Lord and made mighty even unto the power of deliverance (see 1 Ne. 1:20).”
Then yesterday, we went to Calgary to welcome Dustyn home from his mission. Once again I was reminded of how families rally around during sad and happy occasions. Because I rode up with Brad I was privileged to sit in on the meeting with Dusty, Brad, Jessey, Shelbi, Lani and the counselor to the Stake President as he released Dusty from his missionary duties. He asked him to tell us a about some of his experiences and to bear his testimony. As he bore a powerful testimony I felt so blessed to be able to witness that first hand. It solidified my own testimony and once again made me aware of the fact that Heavenly Father knows each and every one of us personally, he loves us, and gives us life’s experiences for a definite and wonderful purpose. I am so grateful for that knowledge and for the daily reminders that help to build and maintain that knowledge.
Precious and loved family members and friends are among the greatest blessings the Lord provides. They are what get us through times like these. To seldom we take the time to build on these relationships and to acknowledge how vital they are to our very lives.
Even though I mourn the loss of our beautiful little granddaughter for this lifetime I cannot ask “Why ME???” Instead, I declare, lucky me! I acknowledge the great love that our Father in Heaven has for each and every one of us. I am so thankful for the tender mercies he extends daily to me and to those I love. Indeed, after much pondering and prayer, I echo Elder Bednar’s statement:
“May our hearts always be filled with gratitude for His abundant and tender mercies.”